Book

Home > Book

About Book

My Dream Of Fatherhood

AN UNCONVENTIONAL JOURNEY

Once upon a time, way back in the 1980s and 1990s, it was not ok for gay men to have children, and certainly not for them to consider having biological ones that they, themselves, would raise. That was the time that I was growing up in. While being gay was not popular and not particularly socially accepted or acceptable, there were many of us out there who were, in fact, gay, and some of those wanted traditional families: a spouse, a home, a place to go to work, and children. A ‘regular’ family.

As with many times in history when marginalized individuals found one another and created their own enclaves, those of us gay men who wanted children did the same. It was part support group, part wishful thinking, and part collection of data from those who were ahead of the rest. I set myself a goal. The goal of having a child.

Setting goals and following through on them is a primary theme of my book. Perseverance and grit are necessary if we want to get to our destination. Another theme of the book.

We must understand that life is not curated for us, but by us, to some extent. And the rest is a throw of the dice, a gamble, or, in other words, the unknown. Those of us who have ever stood up to a bully know that the risk is great. But the doing of it is a far greater reward than whatever the outcome might be. In my case, the bully was society’s barrier to what I wanted. Pursuing my dream meant that I would have to disclose that I was gay, which did, in some cases, lead to disappointing outcomes. Chasing down women who were identified in some way as possibly willing to have a child with me was, at times, embarrassing, while other times downright deflating. Still, I had to carry on. The metaphorical black eye by the bully at least meant that I had asked the questions, made my intentions known, and spoke up. No matter how many times the response of “no” came back, I regrouped, refreshed, and proceeded.

We can all find ways to do this. Sometimes alone, sometimes with others. What is most important, in my opinion, is not to give up. I ventured out of my comfort zone to share my personal story so that others might find some solace and support in their own struggles, regardless of what they might be.

Copyright © 2024 All Right Reserved. Powered by Rami Aizic.